


possibly, maybe (i'm falling for you)

by acegently (jadedlemon)



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 03:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10689165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadedlemon/pseuds/acegently
Summary: Todd had seen some interesting customers during his time working in the coffee shop, but none quite as interesting as Dirk Gently. And he just won't leave.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [title from 'falling in love at a coffee shop' by landon pigg, which also makes a good soundtrack for reading this]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how best to procrastinate on life, exams and other fics? write a 12k coffee shop au, of course  
> this was supposed to be practice at writing short things and not going overboard. you can see how that turned out

Todd saw the jacket before he saw the man; a vivid green, hard not to stare at. And something about the man himself was just as eye-catching. Todd wasn’t sure whether to be bemused or suspicious – no one person could possibly be that cheerful.

The man approached the counter, stared directly at Todd and asked, “Do you sell tea here?” He was very clearly English, from the accent right down to the incredibly stereotypical question. “The good kind, I mean. I don’t know what you Americans count as tea, but I suspect a lot of it is wrong.”

Todd stared for a moment. “Uh… we have tea,” He answered, but made no move to put through the order. The man beamed.

“Excellent. Can you do me a breakfast tea with milk? Ooh, and do you do those cups with the names on, like in Starbucks?”

Requesting a takeaway cup wasn’t unusual. Requesting a name written on the takeaway cup was something Todd had never experienced before. Generally, most people just went to Starbucks rather than imitating it in a local coffee shop. He blinked. “Um. Yeah, sure. I can do that.”

The man leaned on the counter while Todd made his tea. Todd could feel his eyes on him, watching him intently, probably making sure he was making tea the proper English way, whatever that was. When he turned back, the man was still smiling.

“What’s your name?” He asked, uncapping a pen.

“Dirk Gently,” The man replied, “What’s yours?”

That stunned him. He glanced up at Dirk, questioning, but answered with a gesture to his name badge, “Todd.” Dirk still looked expectant. “…Brotzman?”

“Ah, wonderful! Thank you for the tea, Todd Brotzman.”

He left with his tea, doing an odd shuffle around a customer who was just coming in the door. Todd watched him leave with raised eyebrows and let himself smile a little.

 

The jacket was blue the next morning. Presumably, it was a different jacket. But again he saw it first, again it was attached to Dirk’s face, and again Dirk beamed at him the moment their eyes met. He greeted him by name, ordered the same thing in the same kind of cup, and left again.

The following morning, he wore yellow. “Good morning, Todd,” He said again, “Do you work here every morning?”

“I’m full time, yeah,” Todd answered. Dirk seemed pleased about this.

He returned the next morning, and again the morning after, and again, and again, until Todd lost track of days. Each new day brought a different coloured jacket; Todd hadn’t seen him reuse one yet. Dirk had begun to sit inside with his takeaway cup, spending upwards of half an hour some days sipping tea and casting glance after glance in Todd’s direction.

“This is a great place you have here,” Dirk said one morning as Todd poured water for his tea.

Todd gave a short laugh. “It’s not mine, I just work here.”

“But you make me tea, and that’s what’s really important.” Dirk glanced behind him, briefly checking there were no other customers before he took his tea from Todd’s hands and stayed exactly where he was.

Dirk was clearly looking for a conversation. Todd found he didn’t mind. “Is that why you’re here every morning? My tea-making skills are just that good?” He teased.

Looking a little red under the light, Dirk cleared his throat and looked down at his drink. “Well, in a way. You’re in a very convenient location, right between my home and my office.”

“Office, huh? Where do you work?” Todd said, grabbing a few mugs to clean while they chatted.

He saw Dirk bite back a proud smile at his question. “I’m a holistic detective,” He announced with such confidence that Todd almost just accepted the answer. It took him a moment to realise he had no idea what he meant.

“You’re a what?”

“A holistic detective,” Dirk repeated, slower this time, as if Todd’s issue was being unable to hear him rather than his words making no sense. “I don’t bother myself with such petty things as fingerprint powder or clues. I see connections where nobody else has noticed them, and follow them to solve the mystery.”

Todd nodded as if he understood. It sounded like bull to him, but the customer was always right, even when they probably weren’t. “Huh. Cool.”

Dirk sipped his tea, smile widening around the brim of the lid. “I have my own agency now, you know.”

“Really? That _is_ pretty cool.”

“I know. Nobody to order me around now.” His lips twisted oddly, so briefly Todd wondered if he might have imagined it. “I have a financial partner, Farah – she’s fantastic – but I’m in charge, so I can solve any case I want!”

The shop bell rang as the door opened. Todd put down the mugs to serve the customer, but Dirk only shuffled over to make room, showing no sign of leaving any time soon. Todd took the new arrival’s order, then continued his conversation with Dirk, “So, what kind of cases do you have? I mean, I know you probably have confidentiality issues and everything, but…”

The customer was side-eyeing Dirk, who was either pretending not to notice or actually just blind to it. “Glad you’re interested! There was this _one_ case with a horse – Puffles, his name was – who had faked his own death…”

“Uh, can I get extra cinnamon?” The customer cut in.

Dirk waited for Todd to finish serving before he continued his story. He must have finished his tea long ago, but he was still standing there. With nothing else to do for now, Todd leaned on the counter, mirroring his pose and listening intently.

Eventually Dirk picked up his empty cup, pouting. “I _was_ going to sit in for a bit. But I appear to have finished already.”

“You’ve been standing here for ages,” Todd grinned, Dirk matching his expression.

“Yes, well, talking to you was clearly the best use of my time.” He stood straight, tossing his cup into a nearby bin. “I suppose I should go to work. I’ll see you, Todd.”

“Tomorrow, right?” Todd said. He had intended it as a joke, but he found himself hoping the answer would be yes.

Dirk nodded enthusiastically. “Tomorrow.”

 

Working mornings was just a bit more bearable knowing Dirk would appear – if nothing else, he was an interesting way to pass the time. On the other hand, waiting for Dirk to appear was excruciating. Every time he heard the bell chime, he glanced up automatically, hoping to see familiar auburn hair. When Dirk finally arrived, he made sure he was there to serve him.

“Do you still want the takeaway cup with the name?” He said when Dirk reached him, not waiting for his order. “I mean, if you’re sitting in anyway. You’d get more tea out of a mug.”

“As much as I love seeing my name in your squiggly handwriting,” Dirk quirked an eyebrow, “I think that would be nice, yes.”

After making his tea, Todd slipped a brownie onto the tray beside it, which Dirk regarded with confusion. “I didn’t order this.”

“It’s on me,” He shrugged, embarrassment colouring his cheeks. “You’ve been our most loyal customer the past couple weeks. I think you deserve it.”

Dirk beamed so widely the whole room seemed brighter. “Thank you,” He said, sounding so genuine it stirred something in Todd.

On his way to the table, he tripped. Liquids flew across the room.

“Oh man,” Todd muttered, verging on both annoyed and amused. He grabbed a cloth, hurrying over to seize the tray from Dirk before he could cause any more damage.

Dirk watched him set the tray on the table, eyes flickering wildly between the remnants of his tea and Todd’s face. He bounced on his feet, hands suspended mid-air, unsure what to do with himself. “I. Um. I could just- Do you need me to help, should I- I am terribly sorry for this,” He muttered as Todd did his best to mop up.

“Don’t worry about it,” Todd began to say, but before he had quite finished Dirk had reached out to do something with the tray – perhaps move it out of Todd’s way – and promptly knocked over the milk. Todd, bent over to wipe the table top, was in an unfortunate enough position to be covered in it. “Ah, shit.”

“Oh, shit,” Dirk said at the same time. “Oh dear, this is not going well. Here, let me…” He pulled a tissue from somewhere, reaching forwards to pat awkwardly at Todd’s front.

“No, no – Jesus – let me.” Todd felt a bit strange with Dirk rubbing his chest. He nudged his hand away, using his own cloth to wipe away what he could. It struck him that the whole situation was quite bizarre, and he let out a soft laugh, glancing up at him. “Are you always this clumsy, or is today a one off?”

“Flustered!” Dirk cried out, then pulled back, “I mean, um, no. Well, I probably am clumsy, to be fair. But I’d like to think I’m not.”

Todd picked up the tray, suppressing a grin. Salvaging the brownie, he handed it to Dirk. “I’ll make you another tea. Should I put it in a sippy cup this time?”

Dirk scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous, Todd, the boiling water would ruin the plastic.”

With a chuckle, Todd began his retreat back to the counter. But Dirk took a couple of steps after him, calling, “You know, this is the first time I’ve seen your bottom half.”

Todd’s heart missed a beat. He froze, turning back over his shoulder. He had expected to find Dirk’s smile mischievous, but instead he just looked… soft. Wringing his hands in front of him, Dirk went on, “You’re always behind that counter. But now… you’re not. You’re out here with me. It’s nice.”

So Dirk’s statement was unfortunate word choice, rather than innuendo. That was a relief. It didn’t quite settle his heartbeat, but it was a start. “I’m going back behind the counter,” Todd raised an eyebrow. “But I’m glad you appreciate my company. And my bottom half.”

 

“Every day up until now has been a trial,” Dirk announced when he next arrived. “Think of it as, say, the tutorial stage.” He had a large satchel with him today, and had arrived slightly later than normal. Todd had been beginning to worry he wasn’t coming, until he saw a reassuring flash of auburn hair and purple leather. Not that Dirk _had_ to come every day, of course, but it would be odd to spend a morning without him after so long.

“Okay… Did I pass the tutorial?” He said.

“With flying colours,” Dirk said, “But it was quite simple. Now, forget about breakfast tea. May I see your menu?”

Bemused, Todd passed it to him wordlessly. He wondered if Dirk was expecting them to have very few teas available, so that he would be able to take the tea-snob high-ground. He would be disappointed – their manager was just the right level of pretentious in that aspect.

Dirk’s eyebrows shot up comically when he opened the menu. “Ah. You certainly have… a wide selection.”

“Are you trying to test me on making fancy tea? Because I do work here, I know how to make them.”

“Not _testing_ you, per se,” Dirk murmured absently, frowning down at the menu, “Actually, that’s a lie. I am testing you.” He looked up sharply, “Can I have a chamomile tea, please?”

Todd knew there were some differences in pronunciation between British and American English, but he was pretty sure there was no world in which ‘chamomile’ was pronounced the way Dirk had said it. Still, it was understandable, so he chose not to point it out, instead stifling a smile as he made the tea.

Taking a table near the counter, Dirk winced visibly on his first sip. He glanced at Todd, who pretended not to have noticed.

It was quiet, and there were enough baristas available that he wasn’t needed. He could take his break right now.

Dirk looked up in surprise when he approached the table. “You’re out from the counter again.”

“Yeah, I, uh, took my break,” Todd stuttered, suddenly wondering if this was weird, if maybe he shouldn’t have just walked up to Dirk expecting to hang out with him. “Do you mind if I…?” He gestured to the chair.

A smile lit up Dirk’s face, melting away Todd’s nerves. “I would love that.”

Todd gestured to his mug as he sat down. “So, have you ever actually tried all these teas, or are you just pretending to be sophisticated?”

“I am not _pretending_ ,” He said in mock offense, “I have tried many of them. I make a mean Russian Caravan.” He took another sip, pulled a face and added, “Some of them are a bit of a disappointment, though.”

Laughing softly, he nodded towards Dirk’s satchel, asking, “What’s in the bag?”

“This,” Dirk reached down, rummaging in his bag, “Is my super-secret detective work.”

“I see,” Todd said, “And it’s so super-secret you brought it to a public coffee shop?”

“Of course.” He sat a small laptop on the table, opening it up. “I thought I could get some work done here for a bit. It’s very… peaceful.”

Todd felt a little guilty for holding him back. “Oh, shit, sorry. Should I go, or…?” He trailed off, his words reluctant. Really, he wanted to stay. He waited for Dirk to politely agree.

But Dirk looked genuinely confused. “What? No, why should you? Do you have to go back to work?”

“No, I’ve got ten minutes left. But I thought if you were trying to get work done, me hanging around would just slow you down…”

“Don’t be silly, Todd. Your company is just enhancing my day.”

He was about to reply when he was distracted by a customer’s too-loud voice from the counter. “Can I have extra cinnamon?” Todd glanced back to find a co-worker serving the same man who had been giving Dirk odd looks about a week ago. He had been in a few times before – Todd recognised him from his habit of always wanting more cinnamon, no matter how much they put in to begin with.

Dirk had noticed him too. He looked concerned, face creased into a small frown. He waited for the customer to leave before asking, “Is the cinnamon man here often?”

“No, like… once a week maybe,” Todd shrugged. “Why, do you know him?”

Dirk shook his head, but he was still frowning. When Todd raised a questioning eyebrow at him, he elaborated, “I’ve never seen him before, but something seems… strange. I just have a hunch I should avoid interacting with him.” He waved a hand breezily, “I don’t know, maybe it’s nothing.”

Todd hummed softly. “Maybe. I mean, I wouldn’t trust him, but that’s just because he’s a picky customer.” It wasn’t the whole truth – as baseless as Dirk’s feeling was, for whatever reason, he agreed. But Cinnamon Man was probably harmless, and it didn’t seem right to encourage Dirk to be afraid of one stranger.

 

Taking breaks to sit with Dirk was nice. It at least gave him something to do. And if he were to be honest, he was beginning to want to spend time with him, even when he wasn’t working. Half an hour had become a few hours each day with Dirk frowning at his laptop screen, alternating between typing furiously and staring blankly, every few minutes glancing up at Todd and letting his frown melt away, every few minutes Todd glancing back and feeling warmer.

Dirk was systematically working his way through every tea on the menu, keeping up his pretence of a wide and sophisticated tea knowledge. He seemed pleasantly surprised by some, not so much by others. And even the ones he was familiar with, he tended to pronounce wrongly.

When Todd finally called him out for a particularly bad butchering of ‘Ceylon Orange Pekoe’, he turned red and refused to meet his gaze. Focused on the door, he said, oddly quietly, “I learned English through reading; you can’t fault me for messing up a little on pronunciation.”

“Okay, but what if you mess up a _lot_ , like you did just there? Can I fault you then?” Todd grinned.

When Dirk didn’t answer – didn’t even look at him – his grin faltered.

“Dirk?”

“It’s fine,” Dirk shrugged and turned back to him, clearly trying to force a smile, “Poke fun at me if you must. I’m…” He trailed off, realisation dawning on his face, flapping a hand wildly. “Oh! Todd! Solved it!”

Todd leaned towards him, both his concern and confusion growing. “Solved what?”

“The case! I know where the missing cat is!” He pushed his laptop aside to stretch across the table, eyes wide and sparkling with energy. He was saying something, a string of words that made next to no sense in Todd’s lack of context – but Todd couldn’t focus on much besides relief that he was back to himself.

Dirk had stopped speaking – he knew this because his eyes seemed to have strayed to Dirk’s lips, which had slowed down and then stopped, twisting a little. Todd met his gaze again. “You’re… looking at me funny,” Dirk said, voice low.

Usually, Todd would have denied it. He would have backtracked, stammered, probably left the table. But he knew his own expression was the same as the one Dirk was making now – soft enough to set his heart racing. “So are you,” He whispered, though he hadn’t really intended to whisper.

Dirk looked taken aback. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times, stumbling over unintelligible words, still blushing. Eventually, he managed to give Todd an accusing look and say, “You were staring first.”

Laughter bubbled inside him, too fast and unexpected for him to stop a burst escaping. “Alright, jeez, how old are you, five?”

Dirk scoffed, but said nothing. Tilting his head, he leaned on an elbow, still smiling at Todd.

Something in his eyes made Todd shift in his seat. He wanted to look away, look anywhere but Dirk’s eyes – but he also knew he could have stayed right there, trying to read the emotion in them until he knew every possible secret Dirk could be keeping, every fragment of his soul.

Overwhelmed, he let his gaze flick down to the table. He couldn’t even pretend the lines in the wood were anywhere near as interesting. His chair scraping across the floor broke the silence as he stood. “I should, uh, get back to work.”

“Todd,” Dirk said suddenly, startling him a little. His fingers reached out, circled Todd’s wrist gently. It was hardly a touch, but it kept Todd rooted in place.

His heart was still racing. Absently, Todd wondered if Dirk could feel his pulse.

“Actually, never mind. It’s nothing.” He dropped his hand. “You go serve people coffees, it doesn’t matter.”

“What?” Todd turned back to him, “Dirk, are you sure? I mean, you’re okay, right?”

“Of course!” Dirk waved him off, “It was unimportant. Silly, really.” He gave his chest a light shove with his fingertips. “Go. Work.”

Dirk still seemed nervous when he left an hour later, having strategically ignored Todd for the rest of his stay. He stopped at the counter to wave, then practically fled from the shop. Puzzled, Todd watched him go. Dirk was always odd, but today he seemed even more so.

He went to clear his table, and found a slightly crumpled napkin with his name on it.

Biting his lip, Todd unfolded the napkin. Inside was a series of half-started sentences, all scored through, all still readable. Some of them started with his name, some just ‘I’, one ‘How would you like’. The scribbled list ended in a sentence with a single strike through: “Will you go out with me?”

Dirk Gently could not be good for his health; hearts weren’t supposed to beat so quickly, so often.

Todd lifted a hand to his mouth, reading the sentence over and over again. It was a childish phrasing, reminding him of notes slipped through high school lockers, but that only made it seem more innocent.

Dirk probably thought scoring it out meant Todd wouldn’t be able to read it. The one thing left unscored was a phone number – and at the very bottom of the napkin, Dirk’s name, complete with a tiny drawing of a heart.

He tucked it into his pocket and tried to forget about it for the rest of his shift.

 

_‘Hey Dirk, I found the napkin. Thanks for giving me your number. Honestly I wanted it for a while I just didn’t know how to ask. I know you scored out the messages but you didn’t do it very well so I could still read them and if you want to go for a drink or something I’m free most evenings and weekends. I’d really like to. Todd x’_

His finger hovered over send. Frowning at his phone, he deleted the message and started again.

_‘hi dirk it’s todd thanks for leaving me your number’_


	2. Chapter 2

When they next saw each other, neither of them mentioned the napkin messages. Dirk seemed to think he had been successful in playing it cool, and Todd would rather let him continue to believe that.

“How do you always manage to come in at the quietest times?” He asked as Dirk waited by the counter. Dirk gave a questioning hum, raised his eyebrows, and Todd momentarily forgot what he was saying; with the idea of a date in the back of his mind, every one of Dirk’s range of expressions seemed even more adorable than usual. “I mean, usually you get here around the same time. But if there are many other customers at that time, you’re a bit later. Are you psychic or something?”

“Whatever gave you that idea?” Dirk said flatly. “No need for psychic powers when windows exist, Todd.”

Todd pushed Dirk’s mug across the counter, but didn’t take his hand off quite yet. “Do you just… wait outside until it’s quiet? Why? I mean, you wouldn’t be getting served any faster.”

“Don’t be silly,” Dirk scoffed softly, “I go into the shops across the road while I wait. It would be no fun if I couldn’t talk to you for a while.”

He put a hand on his mug, fingers resting lightly over Todd’s, and made no attempt to take it from him.

“I’m glad I was lead here,” He said suddenly.

Todd’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Lead here? What do you mean?”

Dirk hummed, staring pensively into his tea (Earl Grey, today), drumming his fingers lightly atop Todd’s. Todd didn’t pull away. “I’m… a _holistic_ detective, like I said. Which means a lot of the time, I’m not technically doing anything. I’m just letting the universe carry me along, one step at a time. And it rarely lets me have anything nice. Every time I think I’ve found something I can hold on to, it’s…” He let out a shaky breath, “Taken away from me, one way or another. I have met a lot of people in my life, and not one of them has stayed.”

Swallowing the lump of pity in his throat, Todd slipped his fingers out from under Dirk’s. Dirk glanced up at him and in that moment Todd saw the fragility behind his eyes, the worry that Todd would be the next one to leave, that he had said too much. He replaced his hand on top of Dirk’s, hoping that offered some silent reassurance.

With a start, Todd realised how broken Dirk really was. All he had done was take his hand away, perhaps with bad timing, but he had always intended to put it back. And yet Dirk had been entirely ready to blame himself for another failed relationship. He had been ready to accept that he had pushed too far. Todd didn’t doubt he would have let him walk away right then, had he wanted to. But there was nothing he wanted more than to stay.

Dirk’s lips twisted, face melting into relief at the touch of Todd’s fingertips. Quieter still, he said, “I’ve never wanted anyone to stay quite so much as I do you.”

At that, he stepped away from the counter, taking his mug with him. Todd let his hand fall onto the wood. Watching him take a seat at the nearest table, he wondered how they had gotten here. In the space of a month, their relationship had progressed wildly. Dirk had gone from just another eccentric customer, to someone Todd wanted to spend every moment talking to. He wanted to hear his ridiculous stories of past cases – he wanted to believe them. Hell, he wanted to _live_ them together with Dirk.

Dirk’s words still floating through his mind, he felt at peace.

 

A faint cry of frustration drew his attention to Dirk’s table. He finished serving his current customer, then took the opportunity of a quiet moment to duck out to him.

“You okay?”

Dirk looked up at him with an utterly exasperated expression. “I’m trying to solve this case. The cats again.”

“The same cat? I thought you found it already.” He pulled out a chair, sitting close enough to peer at Dirk’s laptop screen. He had open a blank word document.

“In fairness, I get a _lot_ of cat-related cases. But no, this is the same one. And so did I,” Dirk shrugged, “But it turns out the cat didn’t want to go home, and I couldn’t just force it to, you see, so now I need to work out what the problem is…”

Todd held up a hand to cut him off, “You mean the cat is your client now?”

After a moment’s consideration, Dirk nodded. “Essentially, yes. But the owners are really not very cooperative on this front – they were not pleased that I refused to return their cat despite having found it – and the cat itself is not very talkative, unfortunately…”

“Well if I were the cat, and my…” He hesitated, realising how odd this sentence was, but pressed on, “If my owners didn’t want to cooperate to get me back, I’d be a bit put off going home, too. Maybe that’s an issue they need to work through together.”

Dirk was smiling smugly at him. When Todd stopped talking, he wiggled his eyebrows. “You would make a great assistant, you know.”

Todd snorted, giving him a light shove as he stood. “I know,” He called back as he returned to work.

 

Dirk had been rubbing his eyes all morning. His order had been interrupted by a wide yawn, and he had spent Todd’s whole break with his head in his hands, clearly trying to keep his eyes open.

“Dirk,” Todd said firmly, just before going back to work, “What’s wrong with you today?”

“I don’t know what you’re-” He broke off, yawning the rest of the sentence, “Talking about, Todd…”

“Really? Come on. You’re about two seconds away from taking a nap right here.”

Dirk huffed a laugh, “You’re not wrong.” He sat up, an action which seemed to take a lot more effort than normal, and said, “I was working the case all night. I wasn’t supposed to get any sleep, I suppose.” His brow creased, nose wrinkling at his own word choice. “Supposed…. Suppose… Huh.”

“You’re not going into work after this, are you?” Todd was aiming for strict, but felt himself soften every time Dirk gave him that owlish blink. “You should go home and sleep.”

Humming in vague distress, Dirk closed his eyes – for a moment Todd worried he wouldn’t be able to open them again – and shook his head. “Let me finish my tea first. And let me just… sit here, a while.”

“Alright, fine,” He laid a hand on Dirk’s wrist. Dirk gave him a sleepy smile in return. “Stay as long as you want, but make sure you get some sleep.”

When he had said that, he hadn’t exactly meant that the two things should coincide. The sleeping part was supposed to come after the tea drinking. Presumably Dirk knew this, but after a while of glancing towards his table to check on him, he found him taking a nap right there.

Todd considered going over to him. But it felt rude to wake him, and he clearly needed the sleep. He would let him rest, and make sure to be there when he woke up.

It was about ten minutes before Todd noticed Cinnamon Man sitting at a nearby table. Over the top of his latte, he was watching Dirk. Overcome with a surge of protectiveness, Todd leaned on the counter to discreetly keep an eye on him. Something about him seemed odd, shifty even; Todd’s suspicion was growing by the minute.

And Dirk was over there, entirely vulnerable.

He didn’t know what Cinnamon Man wanted, but he knew he wanted something – and definitely not something good.

His manager had left a pinboard by the counter, in an attempt to blatantly advertise a range of summer smoothies. Todd used it to his advantage, pretending to move posters around while he turned it sideways, effectively blocking Cinnamon Man’s line of sight. Hopefully he would pass it off as an odd design choice, rather than a barrier against him.

Leaving a co-worker to man the bar, he slipped over to Dirk’s table.

Dirk looked so peaceful asleep that Todd briefly considered just sitting with him until he woke up naturally. But he did need to work, and he wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving him asleep and alone, even if he was just a few metres away. “Hey… Dirk,” He said in a low whisper, shaking his shoulder gently.

Dirk grumbled a little, face scrunching in protest, and buried his head further into the crook of his elbow. With a fond smile, Todd brushed a stray lock of hair from his forehead, letting it fall back and fixing it again in a steady rhythm. “Hey,” He said again.

Bleary eyes blinked up at him. “Todd,” Dirk mumbled, closing his eyes again and leaning into his hand.

“You need to wake up.” When Dirk groaned, he laughed, crouching down to his eye level. “Come on, asshole, you can’t sleep here.”

A warm hand met his, curling just enough to stop the pattern of hair-stroking Todd had fallen into. “That’s just putting me back to sleep,” He complained, but a smile was tugging at his lips again. He moved Todd’s hand without letting go, yawning as he hauled himself into a sitting position. “I’m awake.”

Not enjoying being back under his height, Todd stood. Dirk’s hand lingered on his for a moment before dropping to his lap; Todd couldn’t pretend he wasn’t disappointed.

Before turning back to the counter, he paused. “Listen, Dirk…” He began, heart involuntarily skipping. He wiped his palms on his sides – they were sweating considerably more than they had been a few minutes ago – and continued, “Do you maybe want to… I don’t know…” He swallowed. “Ah, shit, it doesn’t matter. Sorry, I, uh, have to get back to work.”

Dirk nodded, but the look on his face was odd, pensive, almost knowing. “Thank you for waking me up, Todd.”

Todd quirked a smile. “Yeah. No problem.”

 

Dirk was packing up his things (Todd knew, because he had been watching him discreetly – or, in hindsight, perhaps not very discreetly – the whole time) when the shop bell rang and Dirk beamed at the door. “Farah!”

Todd had heard of her before; Dirk had mentioned her at least once. It was nice to have a face to the name.

He could hear Dirk speaking even as he crossed the room to meet Farah halfway. “What are you doing here? Did you come to join me for tea? Actually, I was just about to head to the office, I think I had a breakthrough on the cat case but it _may_ just have been a dream…”

“You’re going home to sleep,” Todd cut in before he could stop himself. Both Farah and Dirk turned to him, leaving him partly flustered, partly intimidated.

Farah raised an eyebrow. “He’s probably right, you know. I came to look for you because I hadn’t heard from you since four in the morning – you should text if you’re going to disappear all day.”

“Ah. Yes, I probably should have notified you. But you knew I was here!”

“It was the most likely situation. You’re always here,” She said. Though she was talking to Dirk, her eyes were still focused on Todd. He picked up a cloth and pretended to be busy. “Go on, go home, Dirk.”

Glancing up to wave at Dirk as he left, Todd found Farah approaching the counter.

“Um, can I just have a black coffee to go?” She tapped at the wood nervously. Todd tried his best to smile at her as he put through the order. After a while of silence, she said suddenly, “You’re Todd, right?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s me,” He answered.

Farah nodded. “Dirk talks about you. A lot. He’s hardly in the office anymore, he just comes here instead.”

“Yeah, he said it was convenient. Between his house and your office, right?”

“What? No.” Farah looked utterly perplexed. “It’s kind of out of his way, actually. That’s why I never come with him, because, I mean, _someone_ has to get the practicalities out of the way in this agency… Anyway, it’s nice to finally meet you. I don’t know if Dirk is just exaggerating or whatever, but he talks as if you’re so close, I was beginning to think I should see the guy he’s talking about.”

“Yeah, we’re- we’re good friends,” Todd answered absently, mind whirring, “Wait – go back. It’s _not_ nearby for him?”

Farah’s expression suggested she may have put her foot in it. “…No? It’s… at least a few blocks away.”

“Why would he – I mean, why _lie_ about that?”

He wasn’t angry, exactly. He just didn’t know what to make of this new information. Dirk spent every morning in this particular coffee shop, if not for convenience’s sake, then… why? To see him? It was a ridiculous thought, maybe one drawn from sheer blind hope, but it was the only explanation he could think of.

“He has his whole… universe thing,” Farah shrugged. “Maybe it’s something to do with that.”

Todd wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but nodded wordlessly anyway.

“Anyway, I’m… gonna go make sure he gets some rest.” She picked up her coffee, “It was great meeting you, Todd.”

She left Todd with more questions surrounding Dirk than ever before.

 

Dirk wouldn’t leave his mind, no matter how hard he tried to focus on work, or anything else. Any other thoughts circled back to Dirk – the casual affection between them; that sense of defensiveness at even the thought of someone hurting him; Dirk’s reasons for visiting every day.

He came to the conclusion that he couldn’t possibly be misinterpreting anything. Dirk had tried to ask him out with a napkin, for god’s sake. All this time, Todd had just been too afraid to bring it up.

He could bring it up now. Now that he knew Dirk wasn’t befriending him out of convenience.

Todd stared at Dirk’s name on his phone for a while before finally tapping. He would send a text. At least that way he couldn’t fuck up his words, and he wouldn’t have to see or hear Dirk’s reaction if it was bad. (Not being able to see or hear a good reaction was a necessary sacrifice, he decided.)

_‘Hey, Dirk. Listen, I was thinking, and… I like you. Do you maybe want to grab a drink some time? I don’t mean in the coffee shop, like a bar or something, or dinner if you’d rather? x’_

No matter how often he checked his phone that evening – or even well into the early hours of the next morning – he eventually had to accept that he wasn’t getting a reply.


	3. Chapter 3

Dirk didn’t show up the next morning. Todd checked frantically every time the bell rang – it wasn’t him. It never was.

He didn’t show up the morning after that, or the next, or the next.

On the fifth day, he tried calling. His heart leapt into his throat when the call picked up, and sank violently when he was cut off immediately.

After a week, Todd stopped waiting.

Another week, and Todd desperately wanted to call him again. He called Amanda instead.

His sister listened as he told her everything, from the moment Dirk had walked into his life in a blur of bright green leather, to the moment he had accepted that whoever walked through the doors of the coffee shop wasn’t going to be Dirk. The more he talked, the more his throat closed up, the more his eyes burned.

“You really liked him, huh?” Amanda said when he was finished. Todd tried to agree, but could only make a strangled noise.

He rubbed his eyes forcefully, grabbing a pillow to hug to his chest. “Did I fuck it up that badly? I mean, was it wrong to ask him out?” He choked out an involuntary laugh, “What, was he so – so disturbed he just couldn’t face seeing me again?”

“Dude,” Amanda said sympathetically, “I don’t know, it doesn’t sound that way to me. He seems like he really liked you. I mean, hell, he basically confessed to you multiple times.”

“Maybe I just twisted the story. You heard it all from me – maybe I did just read everything wrong.”

She sighed; Todd heard shuffling on her end of the line. “Look, I think there must be something else going on here. Have you tried calling again?”

“He cut me off last time, I can’t just keep bothering him…” He sniffed.

“Okay, well, I think there’s been some huge kind of misunderstanding, and you just need to talk to him. Everything will work out fine. So, if you agree with me and you want to try and fix things, call him again.”

It took him almost another week to make up his mind. He didn’t call him. Maybe he just didn’t deserve someone like Dirk, after all.

 

Working in the coffee shop felt like a chore without him. Some days he wanted to call in sick, some days he just wanted to quit. But he went anyway. The coffee shop was the one place he could possibly, maybe see him – if he could even just catch a glimpse of auburn passing by the window, some outlandish colour of leather to match. Every flash of colour set his heart racing. Every time, he was disappointed.

By now, maybe he should have lost track of how long it had been. But he remembered the day he had sent that text, and every day since was another nail in the coffin. Almost two months since he had lost contact with Dirk, and he still couldn’t get him out of his mind.

One familiar face remained a regular, though not quite as regular as Dirk had been. Cinnamon Man came in every other day, until Todd was sick of hearing the word cinnamon. On this particular day, pent up with bitter anger and burning self-hatred, he decidedly ignored his request for extra cinnamon and made his coffee-to-go with none at all.

Cinnamon Man took at least ten minutes to notice and return to the shop. “You got my order wrong,” He sighed, waving a hand at the cup on the counter. He looked more rattled than usual.

“Sorry, we’re out of cinnamon,” Todd lied.

He looked about to protest, but groaned instead and ran a hand through his hair. “You know what, I don’t – I don’t have time, just… never mind.”

As he picked up his coffee and left again, Todd felt a sick sense of smugness.

 

That night, Dirk’s name lit up his phone screen.

It was so unexpected, he almost dropped his phone. Heart hammering, stomach twisting to the point of nausea, he fumbled to accept the call.

All he heard was one long beep.

He hadn’t even managed to say hello.

It was pointless. He hung up the call, threw his phone onto the sofa. He didn’t want to cry over him again – not after this long, so many weeks spent desperately trying to forget him, struggling to move on, trying not to hope it wasn’t over – but his chest tightened as he swallowed back tears, and eventually he was left with no room inside for emotion to build. He let it out with a yell, kicking at the wall, slamming his fists into the plaster until his skin felt raw.

His phone gave a short buzz as the battery died. He didn’t care. He leaned his forehead on the wall, trying to control his breathing. This was why he was alone. He couldn’t even keep one good thing. One good thing, the best thing that had happened to him, and he wanted too much from it. He was never meant to have it.

The happiness, the hope he had felt around Dirk was almost forgotten, even if the man himself wasn’t.

Todd slumped into his bedroom and threw himself onto the bed, not bothering to change. If he tried, if he clung desperately to his memories, he could picture what it would be like to have Dirk with him. He could bury his face in his pillow and imagine that it smelled like Dirk. He could dream about him, holding him and never letting him go again, kissing him until he was sure he didn’t want to leave.

Dirk had told him face to face that he didn’t want to lose him. He had meant it; he couldn’t possibly have been acting, not with that genuine expression of affection, of sadness, of relief that Todd wasn’t going to leave.

Now, perhaps, Todd understood his fear.

He fell asleep to thoughts of him, as he had done most nights since he left, and missed the series of texts.

_‘I’m sorry, Todd’_

_‘Todd are you there???’_

_‘I didn’t mean to leave you I’m sorry’_

_‘please answer me’_

_‘Todd???’_

_‘im so sorry’_

 

There was no bright leather, but Todd saw him anyway.

Takeaway cup splashing coffee across the floor, he abandoned the counter, breaking into a run to the door. His co-workers could clean up after him. There was no way he was letting Dirk walk past the window, no way he was letting him go again, but he was already passing the door-

_Oh._

Todd stopped. Dirk was coming in the door.

Their eyes met, and everything around them froze. Dirk looked awful – worse than he had last time he saw him, with his lack of sleep. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all in the two months since. He was pale, and his eyes were sunken, and he wasn’t wearing his usual jacket and tie – just an off-white shirt, his trousers ripped at the knee. Todd looked him up and down a few times, trying to take everything in, trying to calm himself enough to form a sentence.

“Can I…” He swallowed, “Can I speak to you? Somewhere private?”

Dirk nodded wordlessly, eyes wide.

The bathrooms were empty; Dirk followed him in silence, didn’t say anything until Todd leaned against the sinks and gave him an expectant look, too afraid to speak himself.

“I tried to call you last night,” He croaked.

“I know,” Todd said, and found his own voice didn’t fare much better, “You hung up before I could speak.”

Dirk bit his lip and nodded. Fiddling with the cuff of his sleeve, he shrank into himself. “I was scared.”

He didn’t elaborate, and Todd couldn’t push him to.

“Two months, Dirk.” He wanted to step closer to him, but Dirk looked so afraid, so sensitive to everything around him that he had to stay frozen in place. His hands tightened around the edge of the bathroom counter. “Two months and not a word. What the hell happened?”

For the first time, Todd was beginning to realise that maybe Dirk hadn’t left by choice.

Dirk’s eyes shone with unshed tears. “It’s… a long story. And not one I would really like to get into right now, if you don’t mind.”

“Right. No, of course.” Guilt washed over him. “I thought you… I thought it was because I sent that text. I thought I’d pushed you away.”

“No,” Dirk breathed, looking up at him with a mix of disbelief and adoration. “No, I… only saw your text last night. I didn’t have my phone until then.”

Todd ran his hand through his hair just to occupy himself. “God, Dirk, you look terrible. Something – something bad happened to you, right? I thought you had just left me, and I didn’t even consider whether you were okay, whether you were safe, _shit_ , I’m an idiot, I-”

 _“Todd,_ ” Dirk interrupted, and the crack in his voice stopped Todd in his tracks. His face twisted, a sob escaping him; he pressed a hand to his mouth as if it would cover the tears spilling down his cheeks.

Eyes widening, Todd could only stare at him, trying to think of something - anything - he could do to help. Dirk snivelled, wiping his cheeks with the heel of his hand over and over, doing nothing to stop the flow.

Todd pushed himself off of the counter, closing the distance between them. Hesitantly, he laid his hands on Dirk’s arms, trying to catch his eye. “Hey… Dirk, look at me,” He whispered, catching his hand. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay now.”

His thumb rubbed circles in Dirk’s arm, but it seemed to be doing nothing to comfort him. Instead, he wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close.

It took Dirk a moment to register that Todd was hugging him – Todd heard his breath hitch in surprise – and even longer to realise he could return the hug. With a fresh wave of sobs, he snaked his arms around Todd. The material of his shirt pulled against his back as Dirk’s fingers clutched it desperately.

Dirk turned his face just enough to press into Todd’s hair, eyes squeezed closed yet doing nothing to stop the tears, breathing in shakily. He tried to speak, but couldn’t choke out the words. Todd hushed him under his breath, swaying gently, smoothing circles on his back.

He held him until the shudders died down into trembles, and then held him longer still. He could do nothing else to calm him – this was the best thing for him, letting out his emotions in the comfort of someone else’s arms, knowing that someone was there for him. Todd was glad that someone was him.

His tears ran dry eventually, and neither of them made any move to let go of each other. Todd let one hand stray upwards, cupping the back of Dirk’s head as he tried to steady his breathing.

Dirk hummed softly, lifting one hand to wipe at his face, then immediately returning it to Todd’s back. It was nice, circled in his warmth; Todd would have liked to stay in that circle for longer. If he could have held him any tighter, he would have, even now.

“Oh lord,” Dirk mumbled in his ear eventually, almost startling him out of the silence, “You were right, I do look like shit.”

Todd was surprised enough to laugh. “You don’t look _bad_ ,” He said, “I mean, you’re definitely not ugly.”

“Should I be offended?” Dirk replied, tone lighter than Todd had heard it since before those two months. He let out a sigh of relief.

He had Dirk back. Dirk was here. Everything was going to work out.

Todd gave him one last squeeze before reluctantly pulling back, hands returning to Dirk’s arms, this time aiming for proximity rather than comfort. Dirk’s eyes were red rimmed, and he looked even more exhausted now, but he smiled at Todd and Todd felt miles better for knowing he still had that radiance in him.

“You alright?” Todd asked, returning his smile fondly.

Dirk nodded. “I feel loads better now. Thank you, Todd.” For a moment he didn’t move, content to gaze back at him. Then, shrugging his shoulders and bouncing on the balls of his feet, he stepped back and moved to the bathroom mirror.

Todd lifted himself onto the counter, watching as Dirk ran his hands through his hair, trying to sculpt it back into shape. He reached over and fixed a stray lock, prompting a smile from Dirk.

“Shouldn’t you be working?” Dirk asked, though his teasing tone of voice gave Todd the impression that he didn’t really want him to leave.

He shrugged. “Yeah, probably. But I’m not going to.”

Dirk suppressed a wider grin, meeting his gaze. Sat on the countertop, Todd was about eye level with him. “Won’t that get you fired?”

“My manager will understand. I’m just… helping a customer, if he wants an excuse.”

“Well, make sure he does understand. I mean, how would I be able to see you every day if you didn’t work here?”

Todd laughed. “You do have my number.”

“Ah, yes, that is true.” Dirk turned on the tap, pausing to splash water on his face, using his sleeve to wipe it off. “But then I wouldn’t have the convenience of being able to drink fancy tea at the same time, and really, that’s what makes it worth it.”

His mouth twisted slyly, eyes sparkling. Todd was struck with a surge of emotion.

“I missed you,” He said before he could stop to think. The humour melted from Dirk’s smile. “God, I missed you so fucking much.”

“I missed you too,” Dirk said softly, “Every day.” He drifted towards him slowly, Todd pulled in by some gravitational force around him. “Every day, when I was… when I was away, I thought about you. How I might never see you again. How I had just left you without a word of warning.” His hand came to rest on Todd’s knee. Todd suppressed a shiver. “All I wanted was to be back in this coffee shop. But I had all these thoughts, like… what if I finally came back, and you weren’t here? What if you had moved on? What if you hated me for leaving you?”

“No,” Todd cut in, unable to look away from his eyes, “I could never hate you.”

Dirk’s eyes widened slightly, lips parting, voice no more than a whisper when he smiled slightly and said, “I would like to think so.”

It was impossible to tell which one of them moved first, both drawn towards each other until their lips met.

Todd was used to harsh kisses from people he barely knew, pushed against the walls of alleys behind punk rock nightclubs. He was used to awkward kisses with people he knew weren’t the one, but people he stayed with anyway because he was afraid of ending up alone.

Dirk wasn’t a perfect kisser, but that somehow only made this kiss better.

It was soft, slow, quieting all of his thoughts besides the need to be near him, the need to be with him. He cupped his cheek with a hand, the skin still damp. Dirk’s free hand found his, lacing their fingers together, squeezing just slightly.

He pulled back just enough to catch a breath. Neither of them opened their eyes. Todd rested his forehead against Dirk’s, fingers twining in his hair, and felt the soft gasp that fell from Dirk’s lips.

Dirk’s hand trembled against his knee. He furrowed his brow, pressed a little harder against Dirk’s forehead, felt Dirk do the same. Todd smoothed his thumb over his temple, brushing the edge of Dirk’s eyebrow, trying to wipe away the frown, satisfied by the feeling of his features softening under his touch.

Dirk kissed him again, hesitant, as though he wasn’t sure he had permission. Sighing into the kiss, Todd returned it as gently as he could, relishing in the sound of his own name mumbled against his lips.

When they finally separated, faces barely centimetres apart, they watched each other in silence for longer than Todd could count.

He hooked his arm around Dirk’s neck, resting across his shoulders. Sliding his hand under Todd’s thigh, Dirk looked contemplative for a moment. “I could lift you right now,” He pointed out cheerily.

Todd rolled his eyes with a huff of laughter. “I’d rather you didn’t.” He looked down at their hands, still joined by his side, Dirk’s thumb tracing circles into his skin. When he met Dirk’s eyes again, it was with a serious note. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened to you?”

He didn’t react visibly, but that at least meant he didn’t react badly. He hummed, gaze flickering down to the floor, back up to his lips, then further still to his eyes.

“Some day. Soon.”


	4. Chapter 4

On a particularly quiet day, with Dirk back to his usual routine of staring pensively at a laptop screen (Todd had glanced over enough times to know he was actually playing Minesweeper, a fact which didn’t surprise him), Todd called Amanda again.

He was just distant enough that he could watch Dirk without him overhearing the conversation.

“He came back,” He told Amanda quietly. “Dirk came back a few days ago. He’s here now, like nothing happened.”

“What did happen?”

He shrugged, then realised Amanda couldn’t see him. “I don’t know,” He said, dropping to more of a whisper, “He won’t tell me. But he cried on me in the bathroom for ages when he got here, and I feel like shit for not even _considering_ any option except that he’d left me deliberately.”

Amanda made a soft noise of sympathy. “What’s he doing now?”

“Playing games, pretending to be working,” He laughed fondly, “He seems… fine now. A bit off, still. But he was gone for two months – you don’t just come back from that ‘a bit off’, you know? I mean, god, you should have seen the state he was in.” He swallowed, remembering the feeling of Dirk’s lips on his, and added, “Also, we, uh… we kissed.”

“What?” Amanda sounded so excited, Todd had to flinch away from the phone. “Oh my god, tell me more. Did he kiss you? Did you kiss him? That might have been a bit insensitive, if he was upset-”

“No, no, he was alright at this point. He said so himself, and he was back to at least trying to act normally. And it was more of a… mutual thing, I guess. I don’t know who kissed who, it just _happened_.”

Dirk glanced over then, smiling into his tea, and Todd thought his chest might burst.

“I need to meet him,” Amanda was saying, “To decide if he’s worthy.”

“He is,” Todd answered automatically. “I’ll invite him to meet you soon. When he’s ready. We haven’t… mentioned the kiss or anything since it happened, but it does feel like there’s something there now.” Watching Dirk balk as he almost spilled his tea down his jacket – back to a vibrant pink today, Todd was glad to note – he sighed. “I’m worried about him, though. I can’t tell if he’s pretending to be fine so that I won’t worry, or just to get himself through.”

“Both, probably,” She said. “You gotta let him deal with this his own way. If that’s by continuing on as if nothing happened, so be it. You being in a relationship with him isn’t going to magically make everything better. Be there to support him, but don’t expect to be able to fix everything.”

“I know.” He let himself smile as Dirk gathered his things, but left them at the table, instead trotting towards the counter. “I have to go, I’ll call you later,” He told Amanda, hanging up to meet Dirk.

“Todd!” Dirk beamed when he reached him, folding his arms far enough across the counter to brush against Todd’s. “I was thinking… about that text you sent me.” He looked more sheepish now, embarrassment tinging his cheeks, focused on Todd’s hands instead of his face. “And I was wondering… if the offer still stands?”

“Offer?” Todd blinked as the realisation dawned on him, “Oh! Are you… asking me out?”

Dirk pulled a thoughtful face. “Well essentially I’m asking if you’re still asking _me_ out. But yes. I would like that. Very much, in fact. I would very much like to go out with you. To go on a date. Erm, with you. Yes.”

Todd rested a hand on his arm to stop his babbling, as much as he found it adorable and was tempted to let him continue. “Yeah. It still stands. Are you free on Tuesday?”

 

He arrived far too early to the restaurant Dirk had chosen, and was shivering by the time a car pulled up nearby.

“You’ll be okay?” He heard Farah ask as Dirk climbed out of the passenger side door. He hadn’t made much change to his usual outfit, which Todd was glad of; trying to keep it casual, he had worn one of his usual plaid shirts, and had been beginning to worry he was underdressed for the occasion.

“I’ll be fine, Farah, no need to worry,” Dirk leaned back into the car to reply, “I’ll have Todd to look out for me, after all.”

Todd didn’t hear her reply, but Dirk gave a cheery goodbye and closed the door. When he turned, his eyebrows raised slightly at the sight of Todd waiting for him. “Hello, Todd. Why didn’t you wait inside?”

“I, uh, didn’t want to just go in without you.” He bit his lip, nerves fluttering in his chest. Dirk smiled, which only succeeded in drawing Todd’s attention to his mouth; the overwhelming urge to kiss him only built upon the nerves.

“Well then,” Dirk walked over to him, holding out an arm, “Off we go.”

Sat across from Dirk, watching candlelight flicker across his face as he studied another complex menu, Todd felt that this was where he was meant to be.

“You need me to order for you? I mean, in case you pronounce it wrong, like before,” He joked, but perhaps it was the wrong thing to say, because Dirk frowned.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Tensing, Todd tried to backpedal. “I didn’t mean… shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. Man, that wasn’t a great thing to say on a first date.”

Dirk’s lips tugged into a smile at the words ‘first date’. He folded the menu, placing it on the table to lean forward and meet Todd’s gaze. “It’s fine. Teasing is a vital part of any good relationship, romantic or otherwise, after all. It’s just… well, not a sensitive subject exactly, but…” He took a breath, “When I was a child, I didn’t get a lot of… social interaction. I spent most of my childhood in this… _place_ …”

“Like an orphanage?” Todd asked. A strange expression settled on Dirk’s face.

“No. Not an orphanage, although that would most likely have been preferable.” He paused long enough to call over a waiter and place their order. When they were alone again, he said in a far livelier tone, “I told you about my holisticness, didn’t I?”

Todd got the feeling he hadn’t quite changed the subject, thought he couldn’t see the connection himself. “Uh… kind of? You said you were a holistic detective.”

“That’s right. But it’s not just my job, it’s who I am. A part of me. These little hunches, ideas about things, they just come to me, sometimes completely unfounded. But they’re usually right. The universe leads me to where I need to be.”

“That is weird,” The words spilled from Todd’s mouth in disbelief, “I mean, are you like, _actually_ psychic or something?”

“Not psychic,” Dirk said quickly, “But I am… something. Anyway, my point being, strange – or ‘weird’ or whatever – things are going to happen around me. So,” He dragged out the vowel, reluctant to go on. Sucking in a breath, he steeled himself and said, “If you want to walk away, I can’t stop you. But I would really, _really_ like it if you didn’t.”

More than a bit anxiously, Todd reached out a hand to take his. “I’m not going anywhere,” He reassured him. “And neither are you, right?”

Dirk looked at him like he had just offered him the world. “Right.”

They fell into casual conversation after that, peppered with easy laughter (and every time Dirk laughed, Todd couldn’t help thinking how lovely it sounded). Dirk’s legs brushed his a few times, which Todd assumed was accidental until he hooked his foot around Todd’s, smiling into his drink.

As they waited for the bill, Dirk piped up, “Does everyone go out to the sofa after a good date?” Looking suddenly unsure of himself, his eyes widened and he added, “Was that a good date?”

“It was a good date,” Todd confirmed, “But I have no idea what you’re talking about. What sofa?”

Dirk nodded, a triumphant look creeping onto his face. “Well, I don’t exactly have much dating experience. But back in England – where I’m from, in case you didn’t realise – a few times, I caught this TV show called ‘First Dates’, where people went on first dates to a restaurant, and there was a sofa outside where they would sit after a good date and, you know…” His confidence faltered, “Well, kiss, usually. Which we don’t have to do! Not that I wouldn’t like to, but if you don’t want to, I mean, we could just talk for a bit, or if you want to go home that’s fine too – not with me, I’m not trying to suggest anything here, I just want you to know that I’m fine with whatever you want to do next-”

“Dirk,” Todd said, staying his flailing hands, “I think the sofa is just a thing from that show. But we could go outside?”

 

Night had fallen and the air was still cold, but he didn’t regret his suggestion. Sitting side by side with Dirk on a low wall, he slipped his hand into his, relishing in the look of surprise Dirk shot him. Gaze turned to the stars, he leaned into his warmth to suppress a shiver.

“Are you cold? Do you need an extra jacket? Usually I keep a spare in the car, but Farah insisted on driving me here – who knows why, I’m perfectly capable of driving myself, but I only have the one I’m wearing…”

“It’s fine,” He nudged Dirk’s arm, “I don’t need one.”

“Good. Because I would offer you mine, but then I would be cold.”

He huffed a laugh, letting a comfortable silence fall between them for a few minutes. Just for something to say, he said, “The stars look nice.”

Dirk hummed thoughtfully. “I’m sure they do. I wasn’t looking.”

Todd turned to him, and found his gaze focused on his lips, expression soft. “Are you okay?” He asked, his own eyes betraying him in the same way, drawn to Dirk’s lips as they quirked into a smile. When he looked back up to meet his eyes, Dirk was doing the same.

“I’m good. Excellent, really. I’m just having a slight issue trying to stop thinking about kissing you.”

Quiet disbelief surged in his chest. “How are you real?” He said under his breath.

Dirk’s eyebrows raised. “Well, I can’t answer the ‘how’ part, which I suppose was the whole question, but I can definitely confirm that I am, in fact, real-”

“Come here,” Todd interrupted. Hooking a hand under his tie, he pulled him closer and kissed the words from his lips.

In his surprise, Dirk wobbled backwards, gripping Todd’s shirt for balance. It took him a moment to find the rhythm of the kiss. Unsure what to do with his free hand, he pressed his palm against Todd’s chest before moving it to his cheek, sliding his fingers into his hair

When they parted, both breathless and flushed, Dirk beamed at him. Todd pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Todd, I think that even if I had more – or any – dating experience, this date would still be top of the list.”

With no words to reply, Todd kissed him again and hoped that said enough.

 

He was just handing over a customer’s order when he saw Dirk tense out of the corner of his eye. Having been happily browsing pictures of cats only seconds ago, he now sat frozen, a look of horror directed outside.

Todd didn’t bother with an excuse; he made his way to Dirk’s table as quickly as he could.

Dirk’s head snapped up as he approached, a shaky whimper escaping him; seeing Todd’s face seemed to take the edge off his panic. He shot into action, packing away his things while Todd stared at him in concern. “We need to go,” He said, fear permeating every word. “I-I mean, I need to go. You’re working. Of course. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s…” Todd shook his head a little, frown deepening as he noticed the rapid, inconsistent pattern of his breathing. “Dirk. Breathe. What’s wrong?”

Dirk stared at him, wide-eyed. After a few moments, he said, “I saw the Cinnamon Man.”

That only heightened Todd’s confusion. “What? Is that bad? I mean, he’s not even here…”

“Todd, I need to leave,” Dirk repeated firmly, shaking hands clutching the strap of his satchel.

Todd couldn’t let him walk out in such a state of panic. “Give me one minute,” He said, and hurried to the back of the shop to give his manager some vague excuse of a personal emergency.

Dirk was still there when he returned, thankfully; he was focused on a spot on the window, face ashen. “Alright, you’re not going home alone like that.” Todd touched a hand lightly to his arm. “Come back to mine.”

“To… yours?” Dirk turned to him, though his gaze was distant. For a moment, Todd was almost embarrassed by his own sudden suggestion, but he forged on. He started towards the front door, but Dirk grabbed his arm, stopping him abruptly. “We can’t go that way, he might be waiting.”

Todd didn’t argue. He doubted the man was still there, but he trusted Dirk; if he felt something was wrong, Todd would go along with it. He led him out the back instead, Dirk creeping along behind him like a spy.

They got into Todd’s car, Todd reaching over to help Dirk’s trembling fingers with the seatbelt. As he drove past the front of the shop, he heard Dirk gasp, and glanced to the side to find the man he was running from leaning against a nearby wall.

“It’s okay,” He soothed, wishing he could do more for him but unable to take his hands off the wheel, “He didn’t see us, it’s okay.”

Dirk hummed an acknowledgement, leaning his head back against the headrest and breathing deeply. “Thank you. You didn’t have to leave work for my sake. I-I appreciate it.”

“Don’t worry about it,” He said. They fell into silence, Todd focused on driving, Dirk focused on controlling his breathing.

They had almost reached his apartment when Dirk spoke again. “His name is Friedkin. Cinnamon Man, I mean. He works for the CIA.”

Todd shot him a surprised glance. “Should you be telling me this? I mean, isn’t that classified?”

“It’s relevant, bear with me,” Dirk said. “When I was a child, my… powers, or whatever you want to call them, made me particularly interesting to an organisation named Blackwing. It’s where I spent most of my young years. It wasn’t pleasant. I don’t… want to go into detail, but I wasn’t the only one, and they didn’t exactly treat us as… humans.” His voice wavered more with every word.

Pulling up outside his apartment, Todd unclipped his seatbelt. He turned his body towards Dirk and let him continue.

“That’s where I was all that time. They wanted me back. Friedkin had been monitoring me for god knows how long… But I thought it was over. Sixteen years of freedom, I thought… that was it. And then I met you, and I thought the universe was finally letting me have something.” He gave a soft, hopeless laugh, and Todd thought his heart might break. “I didn’t even know I was there for two months.” He focused his gaze on the roof, trying to stop his eyes from watering. “I’m sorry.”

Todd wasn’t sure if he was apologising for his disappearance or his emotional state, but it sounded like the latter. “Don’t apologise,” He said, opening his door. “None of this is your fault.”

He hurried around the car to open the door for Dirk, helping him out despite his assurances that he was fine. Dirk seemed to have finished talking for now; Todd took him inside, sat him on the couch and brought him a glass of water.

“I would make you tea,” He said as he handed it over, “I hear that’s what the British do to help someone who’s upset. But I don’t have any teabags, so…”

Dirk laughed – though it sounded more like a sniff – and wiped a stray tear from the corner of his eye. “It’s the thought that counts.” He sipped the water, tugging lightly on Todd’s sleeve until he sat down beside him.

He felt the need to say more. He felt he could never find the words to say enough, but he could at least try. Gathering his courage, Todd laid a hand on his knee. “Alright, I’m no good at this emotional stuff. But I… I don’t want you to have to be afraid. I don’t completely understand this whole thing, but I want to try. So just know… you’re safe with me. I’ll do whatever I can to make sure of it.”

Finally able to meet Dirk’s eyes, he found him smiling back at him with a look of pure affection. Dirk leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, mumbling a thank you against his skin.

Todd turned his head to catch his lips, still finding it hard to believe he could kiss him without consequences now. It had been one date, but it felt like a lifetime – it felt right. Like everything had lead him here, to his own apartment, his own sofa with Dirk Gently kissing him like he had nothing to lose and everything to gain. He wondered if the universe had been the one to bring them to this point, to send Dirk into the coffee shop at just the right time, to keep him in his life even after everything he had been through.

He liked the idea that this wasn’t just him, or Dirk, or even both of them – they were meant to be together.

Unbalanced by Dirk’s weight against him, Todd shuffled around until he was sat sideways on the sofa, one leg over Dirk’s lap. Dirk braced himself with a hand against the arm of the sofa, kissing him once more before pulling away just enough to hover above him. No matter how many times Todd saw that smile, he doubted it would ever stop giving him butterflies.

He leaned back, pulling Dirk down with him until he was curled against him. Resting his head on his chest, Dirk gave a contented sigh, eyes fluttering closed.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Todd cleared his throat, carding a hand through his hair, “How did you get out?” It had been on his mind since they had left the coffee shop; Friedkin waiting for him implied they hadn’t intended to let him go at all.

“The day before I came back to the coffee shop,” Dirk began, “They were taking me somewhere. I was in the back of a van.” His fingers grasped at Todd’s shirt, but he went on. “I felt the van stop. I sat in the dark for a while. Then I heard the door unlocking, followed by Friedkin’s voice. He was complaining about something…” Dirk trailed off, lifting his head sharply. “Coffee! He was complaining about coffee. And then he left, but he must have forgotten to lock the door again. I could see light coming through, and it opened when I pushed it – I just ran.”

The puzzle was beginning to piece itself together in Todd’s head. The day before Dirk had returned had been the same day he had served Friedkin himself. The same day he had deliberately messed up his order, without even knowing…

He told this to Dirk, whose eyes widened. “You see? We were meant to know each other,” He breathed, reverence lacing his tone. “You… you saved me. And you didn’t even try.” A smug smile settled on his face. “I did say you would make an excellent assistant, did I not?”

A near-hysterical laugh bubbled from Todd’s lips at the sheer absurdity of the situation. He meant to say something in reply, but what came out was, “Just an assistant? Do you kiss all of your assistants like that?”

“Assis-friend,” Dirk’s mouth twisted, pondering this. He added with far less certainty, “Assis-boyfriend? Maybe?”

“How about just boyfriend?” Todd suggested.

Dirk couldn’t quite suppress his grin. “Boyfriend it is, then.”

He laid his head on his chest again, humming softly at Todd’s fingers in his hair. Lost in the feeling, Todd barely noticed him drift off until he could hear his faint snores. He looked peaceful in his sleep; by now Todd was used to the urge to protect him. He wanted him to feel that peace even when awake.

 He thought back to Amanda’s words of advice. She was right. Maybe he couldn’t fix everything for Dirk – it was unlikely one barista would be able to take down a government agency – but he would do everything he could for him. He would make a difference to his life, no matter how small, by giving him someone to trust, someone to look out for him. And he would be damned if he would let Friedkin anywhere near Dirk again.

The issue of _how_ to keep him safe could be dealt with later – right now he only knew the why. Because Dirk Gently deserved the world. Because the world didn’t deserve Dirk Gently. Because he wanted to believe that _he_ deserved Dirk. Because he really liked Dirk.

Because maybe he was falling for Dirk.

When Todd had pictured his future, he had never pictured himself as the boyfriend to a holistic detective, guided by the hand of the universe into a life of bright jackets and CIA agents and Dirk Gently asleep on his chest.

Now, when he pictured his future, he didn’t want anything more.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> you can find me on tumblr @acegently


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